Eat. Craft. Run

faith, family, food, fun and a bit of sarcasm thrown in for good measure

These feet

For the majority of the last nineteen and half years, these feet have been with me…

kicking me from the inside

kicking in frustration as your dad and I struggled to learn what your new born cries meant

kicking in excitement as you learned to roll over and crawl

slowly toddling away from me as you took your first few steps

walking along beside me as you gained your confidence

running ahead, beckoning us to see your new find

walking into school for the first time

splashing in the water as you declared your faith and were baptized

curled up under you as you and I worked through pre algebra and navigated homeschool

running ahead of the competition as you excelled on the track and the roads

learning to navigate the gas, clutch and brake pedal

stepping on to campus at ASUB as you started dual enrollment

and just this past week…

walking across campus moving you in to your dorm…

and, today, your feet aren’t here with me.

It’s a bittersweet feeling – a feeling of pride as you spread your wings and step out into your new found freedom with your future open wide… and a feeling of curiosity as I wonder where they will lead you and when they will be back beside me again… and, lastly, a feeling of sorrow as I mourn the passing of a season.

 

The person He wants me to be…

Sometimes I think I know exactly what is going on and what path I am on and how I can be used for God’s glory… then, just when I think I am where I need to be, doing what He wants me to do, boom, God steps in and shows me otherwise…

Honestly, I thought I had been still enough, quiet enough and had truly heard Him, but well, apparently, I was wrong. And He forced me into a longer season of rest… a longer season of quiet…. a season of truly leaning on Him to lead my heart, guide my speech and direct my thoughts. I’m not out of this season yet… I have no idea how long I will be here, but I do know that I am learning to like myself more as I view myself through His plans for me. I am embracing the me God made me to be and learning to hear His guiding as He shows me His calling for me.

Consider it pure joy, my bothers and sisters, whenever you face trial of many kinds, because you know that the testing of faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it’s work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. James 1:24

Hi Strangers

 

Y’all… my life has been a series of hello and good byes… I’m a military brat turned military spouse. What I didn’t realize about me until a few hours ago… is I am a lot like my favorite flower – a hydrangea! (Or Hi Strangers as I called them as a child!)


I’m not a hard person to get to know, I *think* I make friends easily and I’m pretty willing to jump in when needed! But the rest of me… I bloom early, but not to my full potential until I have a little nurturing. You see, to really get to know me, you have to let me know you. So, like the hydrangea, I bloom, early… these small blooms, with just a touch of color… but as I grow in my new surroundings, I bloom bigger and more brightly. And, like the hydrangea, which can be pink or blue… I bloom according to my surroundings. I am always going to bloom, I am always going to flourish, it’s who I am… but my color (and what you see from me in return) depends on my surroundings. And funny enough… I’m a pink person… all things pink in my world! And what’s interesting on that… the blue hydrangeas, well, they come from acidic soil… yep, I love me a drama free zone!  Then you add in my name for them when I was little… and well, yep, I’m a “Hi Stranger” through and through!

Apple Cinnamon Muffins

All four of my kiddos have been raised on Vegi-Tales… and there is a line from a Vegi-Tale book about ‘making muffins for Junior and Tom’. I guess I haven’t had enough coffee because at the moment, I can’t recall which book it is, but,  I do know, several times I week, I make muffins, and my family can’t eat them with out quoting that book.  I’m not sure why muffins are my go to… perhaps it’s because they seem a little less messy than a cake, and I can kinda justify them as not being dessert like, well, because they aren’t cupcakes, they are muffins. Or maybe it’s because there are six of us and a muffin tin is either six or twelve so there is no refereeing who gets how many, it’s simple math. And, I guess the reason why doesn’t really matter, as much as how they taste does… and these, these were uber yummy!

 

Apple Cinnamon Muffins

  • 1 cup all purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/3 cup milk
  • 1/3 cup olive oil
  • 1 egg
  • 2 medium apples, peeled, cored and chopped

Preheat oven to 400. Mix together the dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Add oil, milk and the egg and stir just until moistened. Fold in apples. Divide batter between 12 oiled muffin cups. Bake for about 18 minutes. Enjoy!

Finding Grace

WOW! Has it been a long time since I have been here, at the keyboard, staring at the dashboard/backside of my blog…  I could give a million reasons/excuses, but mostly, the reason for my absence was that God needed me to be still, do some listening and learn to give my self grace.
I’m not perfect in the offering a grace department (let’s face it, are any of us?) but truly, I am better about giving it to others than I am about giving it to myself. Even if it appeared during the day that I was allowing myself the time to recharge, to be still, to listen, later that night, when all was still and I should be resting, my mind was going and I was beating myself up. But, God has a way, a way of making you listen and learn. (Oh, how I wish I had that skill when it came to home school… ha ha ha!) So, as I sit here this morning, a cuppa on the table, the birds singing out side the window, the sun dancing off the swollen lake, I am not going to list one excuse. Instead, I am going to offer myself grace, share a beautiful picture (because even though the posting slowed stopped, the creating and taking in of God’s beauty didn’t) and smile at all the blessings in my life!

Banana Cinnamon Rolls

I was laying in bed, being a bum, Saturday morning, cruising Facebook, when one of those food videos popped up on my feed… you know, those ones that are set to peppy music, fun graphics and time lapsed so it looks like in a matter of mere seconds you can have a 12 course meal on the table for your whole neighborhood… ok, ok, ok, so that is a bit of an exaggeration… but, just a bit!   Any who, this video was for Banana Nut Cinnamon Rolls… and looked way yummy… problem is, I am not a fan of yeast. One, I am not good at proofing it. Two, I can’t ever think far enough ahead to have the bread/rolls ready when my family is ready to eat… so, I just avoid things like cinnamon rolls for breakfast. But, these, that image of the ooey, gooey icing dripping off, I couldn’t get it out of my head…so, I set off to find a non yeast version of cinnamon rolls and added in some bananas…no nuts… my family is nutty enough with out any help!

Banana Cinnamon Rolls

The Rolls

  • 2 3/4 cups flour
  • 2 TBSP sugar
  • 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 cup mashed bananas (about 2 depending on the size)
  • 1 stick of butter, melted
  • 3/4 cup milk

The Cinnamon Guts

  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 1 TBSP cinnamon
  • 2 TBSP butter, melted

The Gooey Goodness on the top

  • 1 block of cream cheese… I use the neufatchel… it makes me feel better and is usually pretty soft
  • 2 cup powdered sugar
  • 2 tsp milk

Let’s start by preheating the over to 425. For the rolls, mix together all the dry ingredients in a large bowl with a fork.  Make a mountain in the bowl and squish down the center. Pour the butter and milk in the center. Mix well then add in the bananas… it will start to look thick and gooey now. Sprinkle a little flour on the counter and lightly knead (don’t be afraid, it’s super easy… kinda like my scones). When the dough feels right and looks pretty well mixed (mine wasn’t very smooth, but was well blended), spread it out into a rectangle… about 10″x14″.  Now it’s time for the cinnamon guts! Melt the sugar in a glass bowl. add in the sugars and cinnamon and stir it around until it looks like wet sand. Spread all over the rectangle of dough as evenly as you can. Now, staring at a short end, roll up the dough into a log shape.  Cut into nine slices and placed in an oiled dish (I used a square baking pan). Bake for about 18 min. About three minutes before the rolls are done, mix together the cream cheese, powdered sugar and milk, zapping for a few seconds in the microwave if you need to. When the rolls come out, spread the gooey goodness over the top and let it ooze down… I let my rolls cool too much before I spread mine on… hence the chunky look in the picture!  Enjoy with a nice cuppa!

 

Monster Cookies

With a name like that, these cookies have to deliver… and boy do they…chocolate chips, M&M’s, oatmeal, peanut butter (p-bo if you live in my house, thanks to Sir Little Dude)….and if I am feeling really saucy, I will throw in some butterscotch chips!

Monster Cookies

  • 1/2 cup butter, softened
  • 3 eggs
  • 1 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 1 cup granulated sugar
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 tsp corn syrup
  • 1 1/2 cups peanut butter ( I prefer creamy, but you can use either crunch or creamy)
  • 4 1/2 cups oatmeal – not quick cook
  • 1 cup chocolate chips
  • 1 cup M&M’s (these are great for holidays, use the festive colored ones)
  • 1 cup butterscotch chips (optional – I am not sure which way I like better)

Mix all ingredients together (I have never paid attention to order, I just dump them in my trusty mix master and go). Use an ice cream scoop to place on an ungreased cookie sheet. I have tried all different sizes and thicknesses…sometimes I will flatten with a fork. The ones pictured above were made with a large ice cream scoop and slightly mushed with a fork.  Bake for about 12-15 min in a 350 oven.

A cave, a volcano and perfect love…

This past weekend’s sermon at church was on emotions… well, really on emoting… letting your emotions out (and, no, I don’t just mean all those cute little emojis on your phone…). The pastor used the illustration of going into a cave and hiding from your emotions. At first I sat there and thought, yeah, that’s not me… I don’t hide from them, I spew them… everywhere… like Mt Vesuvius taking out Pompeii.  But, as he went on to define the cave as a dark place where we make our negatives,  we turn them into worry and doubt and fear and then how that cave can transform into a prison, and then the prison is a grave for all that God has for me, I realized that my volcano is a cave…   But, when Jesus shows up, when we let Him into our lives, when we ask Him to use us in our weakness, when we allow Him to be made perfect through our weakness, then, that cave is emptied.  In John 11:43-44, Jesus took Lazarus in his weakest, most imperfect state (dead!) and called him out of the cave…. and out he walked! How awesome is it that God can take my broken, messed up, cave dwelling, volcano imitating self and use me for His glory!

You see, I go into my cave when I feel unloved, and I feel unloved when I feel imperfect… and in my cave, those negatives become fear… fear that I will never be loved or worthy… and then I start to assign blame… and the blame becomes the volcano … and I spew blame everywhere … on my kids for making a mess, on my hubby for not telling me what I wanted to hear, on myself for spewing on others… you see the vicious cycle. BUT, God’s love (and my hubby’s and my kiddos for that matter) is not based on performance or perfection. God’s love is unconditional and perfect and nothing can take that from me!  And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love, Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our FEARS for today or our WORRIES about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  Romans 8:38 (emphasis mine).

To help myself remember this lesson, I turned to my journal/art bible… after I created some fun little printables to use with this lesson.  I would love to hear what you think…

I Surrender!

 

You know that feeling when you are holding a little baby or toddler and you know they are beyond tired and they are fighting the sleep? And then that feeling when they start to relax and they finally give in to the sleep? How you can just feel their body melt into peace and comfort? Yeah, I’m thinking that’s the surrender I need in God.

 

I thought I had surrendered, I pray about decisions (well, at least the big ones) and I have even learned how to be still and quiet and truly listen for His answer, and then His second answer because I need confirmation!

I pray for friends and family members – both their spoken and unspoken prayer requests. I pray for my kids and their future spouses (although, probably not like I should, since I am being totally honest here).

I pray for my marriage… but again, if I am honest in that, I am probably praying on a very superficial level… for forgiveness and health, for love and devotion, for grace and forgiveness (but since I have opened the honesty box…. let’s throw out there, I want grace and forgiveness for me, I don’t like to have to offer grace), for understanding (but for him to understand me, I don’t want to have to put myself in his shoes…)

And when I hear God, and I follow His instructions and I am being obedient, (again with the honesty), I want that ‘aha moment’, everything falls into place and boom… all my heart’s desires (for that specific thing) fall into place. Because, well, I am obedient and surrendered… but I am not that totally relaxed, at peace toddler who has finally surrendered, surrendered. I am that I have stuck my thumb in my mouth and put my head down on your shoulder toddler surrendered because, well, this is what I have been told to do. I have been told to pray, I have been told to be still, I have been told to listen, I have been told to be obedient…

But, y’all, doing what I am told to do because I am told to do it is not surrendered… it’s being obedient … but obedience is not surrender.

Surrender is giving in because you want to, not because you are told to.

Surrender is trust… when that toddler surrenders and falls asleep in your arms, you don’t just drop them and then continue on with your day, you find a soft, secure place to put them, you keep them safe, you make sure they are warm and cared for… and won’t my Heavenly Father do the same thing?

Surrender is doing hard things… let’s face it, some times that toddler doesn’t want to stop playing but when they are told it’s time to sleep, it’s for their own best interest. And that best interest may not be that they are beyond exhausted, it might be to protect from exhaustion, or to allow mom a chance to recharge so that she can be better equipped later.

Surrender is peace and security. That toddler fights and fights, or not. Sometimes, Sir Little Dude will just come and say “Mommy can I sit in your lap?” I know that means he’s tired and he just wants to feel secure. And, he, like me, needs security after he feels he has disappointed someone. And as his momma, I am more than willing to give that security. But as a believer, I need to go find that security in Christ, not in my hubby, neighbor or friend.

All of this to say…I think I am lacking peace and security EVERYWHERE! I am tired, and in the past, in my tiredness, I have had my hubby or a neighbor or some one to surrender to … to have them help me or tell me what to do. I have had temper tantrums and justified them with a tiredness, or blamed others, or said I was empty and it was so and so’s fault for not filling me. But I can’t be the best me, the me I was made to be if I am not secure, and I can’t be secure if I am not surrendered.

Letting Rejection Grow

I am reading through Lysa TerKeurst’s book Uninvited. I highly recommend it… as long as you are ready for a lot of ah ha moments, and some pain as God strips away the layers of the onion to get at the core of the problem.  Combine this study with Love God Greatly’s Walking in Wisdom and the growth and catharsis is liable to be paralyzing and freeing all at the same time.

My whole life I have been filled with self doubt… I believed that I had to be perfect to be accepted. And, well, I am far from perfect. And as soon as I felt unaccepted or felt that my imperfection was being pointed out, well… anger, and hurt and ugly came spewing forth from my mouth.  And, then it spiraled. I was more imperfect, I was less lovable, I was beating myself up more… why couldn’t I just follow the scriptures?

The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, and a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped your finger. Reliable friends who do what they say are like cool drinks in sweltering heat – refreshing! Like billowing clouds that bring no rain is the person who talks big but never produces. Patient persistence pierces through indifference; gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses.  Proverbs 25:11-15 (MSG)

Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise. Proverbs 12:18 (MSG)

 

Our speech reveals what’s in our hearts… and if that’s the case, then I have a lot of ugly in my heart… and that hurts. It hurts me, it hurts those I love and it hurts My Heavenly Father.  And, then my heart broke… how, how did I get filled with all this ugly? Why do I not believe the scriptures written about me? Why can I not believe I am more valuable than rubies (Proverbs 31:10)?  Why can I not believe that the He will fill me with love, joy, peace, self control (Galatian 5:22)? Why can I not believe that I am enough (Isaiah 43:1)?

There were a lot of things that prompted this breaking of me, of my heart, this emptying of all hurt… it was reading Uninvited, studying Walking in Wisdom and an ugly fight with my hubby where I unleashed all of the ugly that had taken root in my heart on him… him who I was to love, honor and cherish… nothing I did fulfilled the scriptures. (Genesis 2:18, Matthew 7:12, Colossians 3:14, Provers 18:22…and the list goes on and on).

I’m going to be honest here… when I started this post, I had planned on dumping out why I thought my heart was full of anger and hurt and rejection… but I almost feel as if that would be making an excuse. And I can’t make excuses any more… I have to own me, my hurt, my anger, my fear, my pain… and once I am willing to own it, then I can turn it over to God, I can lay it at His feet and I can begin to let Him fill me, grow me, I can accept that I am imperfect but I am perfectly imperfect and His strength is made better in my weakness… I can say that rejection was planted there at an early age and for as long as I can remember, I have been fighting it…but this is not my battle to fight, it is mine to give to God… and to allow Him to fight through me, for me… If God is for me, who can ever be against me? (Romans 8:31.). I am not going to expect myself to be perfect, and I will allow my imperfections to be used to glorify Him. I want to live a life full of grace, love and forgiveness – not only for my husband and my children, but for me too.

Get in my belly!

Apple Cinnamon Muffins

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